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大庄家娱乐城祝教师节快乐——教师节段子
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带起节奏,送来欢乐, Y) G- y5 O2 f. S
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今天是教师节,大家一起来发段子吧!
g+ \; s7 a3 F: b: y( _+ R& K我先来!( @; o. q: a: c. s: l' w
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A说:“今天考试我交了白卷。”B说:“哎,我也交了白卷。”
6 E$ D2 [0 Y: v3 ?) R* J# u同学A生气的说:“你怎么能交白卷呢,老师会以为我们抄袭的!”
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深夜,王老师批改完最后一份试卷,疲惫地拧开了收音机,想听音乐放松一下。收音机里传来了dj的声音:"xx中学高三级x班全班同学一同把这首歌奉献给他们敬爱的王xx老师听,感谢他多年来给他们出了无数道练习题(尤其是这年),使他们得到了宝贵的练习机会……"听到这,王老师的眼睛湿润了,心力交瘁的脸上露出一安慰的笑意。dj又继续说:"……现在就让我们一起来听这首歌,李惠敏的《你不会有好结果》…"
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一位年轻女教师初次执教小学生美术课。她在黑板上画一个苹果问学生说:“这是什么呀?”学生异口同声回答:“是屁股。”女教师哭着去找校长,校长一听大怒,跟着老师来到教室训斥学生说:“你们越来越不像话了,为什么又把老师气哭了?”回头看了一看“啊!还在黑板上画了个屁股!” <span] 老师去吃自助餐] 昨天老妈教弟弟做作业,弟弟不动脑筋思考,
5 y1 X7 |) S0 D- a每道题都问妈妈,妈妈怒了:“你每道题都不会,干脆我帮你做算了!”" M7 G0 [8 S3 d) `
弟弟淡淡地说:“不行!字迹不一样会被老师发现的!” <span] 考场上一女生抱怨说:“老师,天气太热了,风扇都没风!”谁料老师说:“别急,等会儿看到试卷你就心凉了。” <span] 一帅哥毕业后到一所女子学校任教,由于年轻的男老师级少,1 O! {3 l2 K! y4 h0 G2 u
所以非常受欢迎。
3 ^/ j0 i2 ?) n: J: e2 |第一堂课,有一位女学生忘记带课本,帅哥老师请她站起来,3 ?1 b& [8 l; U. R: q
问其他同学该怎么处罚。她们很有默契的齐声说:“老师亲她一个!”2 `( U3 X% a. \! @
大家等着看老师的反应。老师瞄了那位同学一眼,& Q% i% l7 B3 Z+ }2 \
回答:“不可以处罚老师!” <span] 今天听见两个老师在讨论管理上课吃东西的事情说:) C* [8 B, Z% B
有个学生老在我上课的时候偷吃瓜子,我毫不客气,见一次抓一次,一抓就是一大把!!!
; `' C# r/ v) f& G, y( D不知道是不是我的错,那个上课吃东西的学生,被我抓过几次,但最近一两个月都没看过他上课吃东西了,我整个人瘦了很多。 <span] 一小学教师,最近在学车却不怎么喜欢去练车,教练问:“为什么经常没来学车?”. J# Q8 u+ F9 ]- h; L3 v8 v
她:“在学校都是我骂学生,来你这边老是被你骂,我很不爽!!!” <span] 上高中嘴馋,几个同学合计买烧烤吃,不想带回来的时候被班主任发现没收了,结果第二天班主任闹了一天的肚子。 <span] 生物老师非洲野猪
( w$ g0 X% Y: l( ?7 a+ p生物老师正兴致勃勃在台上描述非洲野猪的长相,偶尔眼光一扫台下,竟发现多数学生在打瞌睡。) _" N. u% B9 p' i/ J& ?9 b5 Z3 z: E
于是大为恼火,喝道:“你们要看着我啊!不看我,你们怎么知道非洲野猪长的是什么样子?” <span] 老师:小明,你的美劳作品太好了,明天学校要派你参加全市的比赛。2 l1 Q" @+ @& g" A) s6 W
小明:不行
+ P. y3 P( `: y老师:為什麼?( |' {3 b, k( ]! v7 s/ J
小明:劳作是我爸做的,他明天要上班 <span] 妈妈:小明,你看,妹妹考100分,你才50分
6 z+ _5 Z' P9 ~$ `4 g0 H0 d$ J小明:我是照你的话做的
+ y8 i4 s* M: \; z: O' P" g妈妈:我说了什麼?
1 a b& W6 [4 w2 W' H小明:你说我只要有妹妹的一半就很好了 <span] 小外甥女刚上一年级,有次语文考试得了74分,! D8 ]( f# h. ~# `. c$ K
她拿成绩单回来的时候她爸妈很生气,
) e. N1 ]6 {9 i) \" `7 H就问你为什么只考了74] 老师:“] 老师:现在上‘急救课’“先做口对口人工呼吸”“这样重复做,会怎样?”% m6 F. P9 y2 l# k6 h$ r
小明:有人会告你性骚扰 <span] 小明放学回到家就问:麻麻,你不说女人都喜欢被夸吗?! }9 H1 `+ j% A6 y/ \
妈妈说:是啊,为什么这么问?" m) E, S0 ^: V
小明沮丧着说:今天老师穿着超短裙来上课,我就夸老师,你的内裤好漂亮啊!* F( A }# {# w6 p6 m
然后,老师就给我撵出去了!!! " _* _) Y/ G7 X* I& ]: I
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大家每人发一个关于教师段子在跟贴后面,一起用关于教师的笑话来庆祝伟大的教育工作者的节日。; ?: [ A, D# q( t+ Y, q0 u
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