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大庄家娱乐城祝教师节快乐——教师节段子
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带起节奏,送来欢乐! o L! D% q/ W: L% d
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0 b: b# W: e* j! B8 u9 T( V今天是教师节,大家一起来发段子吧!
7 h. A7 Q, _) h- R o% E# p9 I5 _我先来!/ P9 T- c- k* Q7 C
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A说:“今天考试我交了白卷。”B说:“哎,我也交了白卷。”' A) ]* o8 p P& j' r
同学A生气的说:“你怎么能交白卷呢,老师会以为我们抄袭的!”& x* r0 o9 `. M! [# k
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深夜,王老师批改完最后一份试卷,疲惫地拧开了收音机,想听音乐放松一下。收音机里传来了dj的声音:"xx中学高三级x班全班同学一同把这首歌奉献给他们敬爱的王xx老师听,感谢他多年来给他们出了无数道练习题(尤其是这年),使他们得到了宝贵的练习机会……"听到这,王老师的眼睛湿润了,心力交瘁的脸上露出一安慰的笑意。dj又继续说:"……现在就让我们一起来听这首歌,李惠敏的《你不会有好结果》…"
9 }' T& M- R0 x; G! N' @' D0 Z* R7 b$ }) @4 B9 ]
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一位年轻女教师初次执教小学生美术课。她在黑板上画一个苹果问学生说:“这是什么呀?”学生异口同声回答:“是屁股。”女教师哭着去找校长,校长一听大怒,跟着老师来到教室训斥学生说:“你们越来越不像话了,为什么又把老师气哭了?”回头看了一看“啊!还在黑板上画了个屁股!” <span] 老师去吃自助餐] 昨天老妈教弟弟做作业,弟弟不动脑筋思考,4 W s$ b* `% D- a
每道题都问妈妈,妈妈怒了:“你每道题都不会,干脆我帮你做算了!”+ _! m6 E7 `6 i2 M4 \
弟弟淡淡地说:“不行!字迹不一样会被老师发现的!” <span] 考场上一女生抱怨说:“老师,天气太热了,风扇都没风!”谁料老师说:“别急,等会儿看到试卷你就心凉了。” <span] 一帅哥毕业后到一所女子学校任教,由于年轻的男老师级少,# m7 g M! {2 `- ?) q+ C3 C
所以非常受欢迎。) H. i v3 y! j! W3 b
第一堂课,有一位女学生忘记带课本,帅哥老师请她站起来,
/ t( t1 c9 h/ r7 S3 ]+ P" U问其他同学该怎么处罚。她们很有默契的齐声说:“老师亲她一个!”
8 d, Y. P9 P9 o% {: p* i$ i0 G大家等着看老师的反应。老师瞄了那位同学一眼,
. O m9 `. X: i. J回答:“不可以处罚老师!” <span] 今天听见两个老师在讨论管理上课吃东西的事情说:
# |7 X3 z% L3 G% _! k有个学生老在我上课的时候偷吃瓜子,我毫不客气,见一次抓一次,一抓就是一大把!!!
/ O5 L W, [, h9 n不知道是不是我的错,那个上课吃东西的学生,被我抓过几次,但最近一两个月都没看过他上课吃东西了,我整个人瘦了很多。 <span] 一小学教师,最近在学车却不怎么喜欢去练车,教练问:“为什么经常没来学车?”3 F$ c" I) A q7 P9 U. A% J! J
她:“在学校都是我骂学生,来你这边老是被你骂,我很不爽!!!” <span] 上高中嘴馋,几个同学合计买烧烤吃,不想带回来的时候被班主任发现没收了,结果第二天班主任闹了一天的肚子。 <span] 生物老师非洲野猪; ~) ]; Y/ j; i
生物老师正兴致勃勃在台上描述非洲野猪的长相,偶尔眼光一扫台下,竟发现多数学生在打瞌睡。! W1 n2 \; O5 v7 w+ W! r: ?* }
于是大为恼火,喝道:“你们要看着我啊!不看我,你们怎么知道非洲野猪长的是什么样子?” <span] 老师:小明,你的美劳作品太好了,明天学校要派你参加全市的比赛。
/ D% p2 B P2 Z( S- N) p小明:不行" z7 o0 D, t$ g1 g0 ^
老师:為什麼?
& B3 a. Y" h. s) n小明:劳作是我爸做的,他明天要上班 <span] 妈妈:小明,你看,妹妹考100分,你才50分
/ B! m/ P9 `7 C) {7 Z小明:我是照你的话做的8 M, T8 v' A9 a0 C& a5 E. N1 [
妈妈:我说了什麼?
8 R8 k3 }& B) q, t; C小明:你说我只要有妹妹的一半就很好了 <span] 小外甥女刚上一年级,有次语文考试得了74分,
6 k4 ^. \- q' N3 e R5 C# j她拿成绩单回来的时候她爸妈很生气,
W" _1 B- D) C1 I就问你为什么只考了74] 老师:“] 老师:现在上‘急救课’“先做口对口人工呼吸”“这样重复做,会怎样?”4 N9 q- |1 O( i; q9 B
小明:有人会告你性骚扰 <span] 小明放学回到家就问:麻麻,你不说女人都喜欢被夸吗?1 S7 o0 f9 m* N+ V, i2 ~! k5 L9 l7 a
妈妈说:是啊,为什么这么问?+ v2 O m6 L$ H p5 K
小明沮丧着说:今天老师穿着超短裙来上课,我就夸老师,你的内裤好漂亮啊!
* w2 @; l* q7 r+ D$ N* [! q然后,老师就给我撵出去了!!!
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大家每人发一个关于教师段子在跟贴后面,一起用关于教师的笑话来庆祝伟大的教育工作者的节日。1 G; k0 V$ ~4 a e
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